I have issues. This is a running joke, but it’s kind of true. I hate enclosed spaces for long periods of time. I have panic/anxiety attacks. I tend to freak out when I am overwhelmed. I can get real quiet when something is on my mind, but that just means that I need some time to figure things out… it doesn’t mean, “let’s harass Melissa until she tells us what’s wrong”. I do have a bit of a self esteem-problem, but what non-size-2 through 6 female hasn’t at one point or another.
I have a Napoleonic Complex. I have been a short person all my life. My entire family, on both sides, is short. I have always wanted to be tall but it wasn’t in the cards. My goal for my children, if I have them, is for them to be tall. I intend to breed with a tall individual whose family genes will override mine. If you see me with a short man, smack me.
I am the nicest person you may probably ever meet in this life, next to somebody’s momma of course. I just play tough, I swear. I am the kind of person that bends over backwards for the people in my life. I take care of people. It may be seen as a fault to many, but to me it’s natural. It must be the mothering side of my Zodiac. I’m the problem-solver/fixer, the back-rubber, the hug-giver… whatever, you get the point.
I can be the nastiest person you will ever meet in this life (I’m working on that side of me – work in progress). If by some chance you piss me off, I’m not nice anymore. I used to be a real spiteful b**** but I think I have grown past that and although it threatens to come to the surface sometimes, I can usually control it. I don’t haul off and cuss people out anymore, except on the highways. I give a mean side-eye and occasionally a side-mouth when warranted.
I am a lover, not a fighter. I have a loud voice and I use it often. People hear that and the Brooklyn-girl attitude and assume that I am a bad-a$$. I’m not saying I’m not, but I try to behave myself on an everyday basis. It takes a lot to make me lose my cool where I just want to haul off and smack somebody, which I haven’t done in a long time. I love hugs and kisses. I try to resolve situations through peaceful means first. Don’t get it twisted, I will put it down if need be, but I’m grown enough to get locked up and have the key thrown away and most of my friends don’t have enough money to get me out on bail after a murder charge.
I am addicted to cute things. I spend a LOT of money in the discount aisle at Target. I have a collection of multipurpose greeting cards, note-cards, envelopes and stationary at my desk. I have pens and markers in every imaginable color in my desk drawer. I collect cute stuffed animals, and have some on my shelf here at work. I actively use crayons. I have a Happy Bunny Calendar, socks and t-shirts. I have a piggy bang that is shaped like a monkey’s head. All those are in addition to the Fortune Cookie 8-ball and the action figures.
