Just got set up to blog from the BB! I'm geeked!

loss and it's effects

a friend of mine from college, who i failed to keep in contact with, was killed on Friday night in Southern New Jersey. she was shot, point-blank range, in front of her apartment door.

even though we didn't stay in touch, her death still stings. she was a beautiful person, inside and out. it doesn't hurt as much as it would have 5 years ago, but being faced with the mortality of people in your age group makes my heart ache. so many times in college, we discussed growing older and what the future held for us. she had so many plans for her future and was possibly the most excited at the prospect of having a family of her own. now that ideal will never be realized. i do not know who was responsible for her death, but what i do know is that i wish that person an eternity in hell for taking her from this Earth.

the main thing that i have learned from Gina's death is that i need to keep my friends close. over the past few years, i have drifted away from my best friend in the world. we used to be each other's life and we both let new experiences, people and situations come between us. when we last saw each other, it was a awkward weekend. we are both different people than we were at age 22. it seems as if we switched personalities. she's the outgoing one and i'm the reserved one. in a brief discussion last night, we reaffirmed our mutual dedication to each other and promised to progress in our friendship and familial bond, as adults.

to do that, i acknowledge that i need to keep in contact with my friends and loved ones. i cannot afford to wall myself off from the people in my life. further, this means that i need to go back and re-evaluate my friendships. those that i cherished in the past... i must find a way to approach them and welcome them into my life again.

this will be a long process, but it is one that i am willing to undertake.

the story of how i got fired...

so, i have a temper. nothing new to the people i work with. they all have seen me in a state at least once before. so what would possess someone i considered a friend, to test my temper... i have no clue.

on my desk, i had a bunch of little kid toys. i spent 60% of the day on the phone so i needed something to occupy my hands. the prized possession that everyone loved was the Magic 8-Ball that was shaped like a fortune cookie and gave out advice like a wise old Chinese man. i had no problems with people borrowing the toys, they just had to return them as i'm a bit OCD and needed my desk to be straightened and organized at all times.

so, a friend borrowed the Fortune Cookie. kept it for a day. i started getting antsy and acting off. she gave it to another friend of ours to return since her desk was near mine. second friend decided to play keep-away, like we were 5 years old.i asked, calmly, for like 5 minutes for my shit back. she kept playing. i lost my temper and told her that if she didn't give me back my shit, "i'm gonna snatch your ass bald." hmmm... she's Brazilian and is so proud of her long hair. i woulda really hemmed her up by her hair if i was truly mad but i kept my hands to myself. she gave me my Cookie back. i put it on my desk and went for a smoke break with a friend and vented. then i bounced for lunch with a homeboy. came back to work and finished my shift.

next day i come in to work and my Assistant Director comes and says he need to speak to me. i think ima get reprimanded for yelling on the floor with all the staff but this nigga tells me that they have to let me go. i laugh. he couldn't be serious! then i look near the door and this momfucka has my shit packed! he went through my desk! surprisingly i was calm and said, "Cool. here's my badge and parking key. let's go". i walked outta there without a scene and with my head held high.

so that's my story. lesson learned: don't cuss people out with a raised voice. do i so only that one person can hear you.

if i see this commercial one mo 'gain...

ima throw something at the TV!

my most interesting tweets, recently :)

Speaking of Sarah Palin, her daughter's Baby Daddy got "Bristol" tatted on his wedding ring finger. wonder how he's gonna cover that?

why did the NY Daily News just call Reggie and Kim, The Bush and the Tush?

i'm walking to my appt with a chocolate lovers ice cream cone in my hand. like a true fat kid.

omg! popeye's biscuits with honey = manna from heaven. do i have time for a nap?

Heavy D's reggae album bothers me on a deeper level than it should. his voice is BAD!

does it bother else to hear Mariah use slang in her tracks? i mean this is the woman who sang "Someday" back in the day...

done w/ a Blue Bunny Chocolate Lovers cone. Chocolate Ice Cream covered in Chocolate Cookie crumbles on a Chocolate dipped Chocolate Cone!

these YT people are in my country (Guyana) chasing Giant Anacondas. it's on NatGeo right now. waiting for someone to get attacked...

my fat girl ass just chased the ice cream truck, for the 1st time in about 20 years, to get a King Cone. killed it in like 5 mins. mmmmhhmm!

::notice how the tweets are about food and music?::

since i have writers' block... this is a .gif post

My Tattoos (from #7 - #1)

left front shoulder (Brooklyn, NY) November 2008

left front ribcage (Sunrise, FL) August 2008

lower right back (Miami, FL) May 2008

upper back (Miami, FL) May 2008

inside right wrist (Ft. Lauderdale, FL) early 2008, re-done w/ UV ink September 2008

inside left wrist (Miami, FL) February 2006 w/UV ink

inside left ankle (Lexington, KY) Spring 2005

since my layout won't show the whole pics, click on them to see them in full.

ask what they are and what they signify and i'll tell ya :)

for my Daddy!

Happy Father's Day!

A Dad is a person
who is loving and kind,
And often he knows
what you have on your mind.
He's someone who listens,
suggests, and defends.
A dad can be one
of your very best friends!
He's proud of your triumphs,
but when things go wrong,
A dad can be patient
and helpful and strong
In all that you do,
a dad's love plays a part.
There's always a place for him
deep in your heart.
And each year that passes,
You're even more glad,
More grateful and proud
just to call him your dad!
Thank you, Dad...
for listening and caring,
for giving and sharing,
but, especially, for just being you!
Happy Father's Day!

Saying Goodbye...

R.I.P. Uncle Ulric you will be missed.

man the older generations of my family are fragile.

working on looking after them and myself.

it's taking all i have.

"The Final Flight"

Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free,
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard his call,
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I’ve found that peace at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch,

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, he set me free.

~Unknown

it's been a while...

Now I'm back to what I knew before you
Somehow the city doesn't look the same
Id give my life for one more night
Of having you here to hold me tight; oh, please
Take me there again.
~Richard Marx, Endless Summer Nights


is there just that "one" person for every person?
are we destined to have just one "true love of our life"?

i always thought that i had walked away from my "once in a lifetime" when i was 19, but it turn out that i had to wait until i was almost 27 to be with the one person that made me feel complete.
i've written about him before. when he kisses me, i felt tingles from head to toe. he made me feel safe and secure. i just knew that he would be there for me and he knew i was there for him. when it all came crashing down... i didn't know what to do, say or how to feel. almost a full year later, i still think about him. still feel the same way. but i am not naive enough to think that we will ever be together again. that doesn't mean that i have stopped caring about him. it's hard for an emotional person like me to just walk away completely. so every man, from now on, will unconsciously be judged by the yardstick of him. i hope that i am strong enough, mentally, to realize if/when the yardstick is not leading my heart in it's true direction.

the two songs quoted, are favorites of mine. whenever they come on, i ing along at the top of my lungs/ they usually bring me to tears, but i listen and groove along anyway. they seemed to fit the topic i chose as my re-entrance to the blog world. let me know how you feel on the subject and on the music.

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you.
I have a love for you that nothing hides.
Whatever it is I do, I'm only thinking of you.
I hope you look at me through patient eyes.
~PM Dawn, Looking Through Patient Eyes