Monday, March 29, 2010

loss and it's effects

a friend of mine from college, who i failed to keep in contact with, was killed on Friday night in Southern New Jersey. she was shot, point-blank range, in front of her apartment door.

even though we didn't stay in touch, her death still stings. she was a beautiful person, inside and out. it doesn't hurt as much as it would have 5 years ago, but being faced with the mortality of people in your age group makes my heart ache. so many times in college, we discussed growing older and what the future held for us. she had so many plans for her future and was possibly the most excited at the prospect of having a family of her own. now that ideal will never be realized. i do not know who was responsible for her death, but what i do know is that i wish that person an eternity in hell for taking her from this Earth.

the main thing that i have learned from Gina's death is that i need to keep my friends close. over the past few years, i have drifted away from my best friend in the world. we used to be each other's life and we both let new experiences, people and situations come between us. when we last saw each other, it was a awkward weekend. we are both different people than we were at age 22. it seems as if we switched personalities. she's the outgoing one and i'm the reserved one. in a brief discussion last night, we reaffirmed our mutual dedication to each other and promised to progress in our friendship and familial bond, as adults.

to do that, i acknowledge that i need to keep in contact with my friends and loved ones. i cannot afford to wall myself off from the people in my life. further, this means that i need to go back and re-evaluate my friendships. those that i cherished in the past... i must find a way to approach them and welcome them into my life again.

this will be a long process, but it is one that i am willing to undertake.