it is 3:26am...

and i am still awake. got a lot on my mind with this school business. i'm a worrier. in my head, there are so many things going on at once that i can't help but think, "what if...?" i've always been this way. it takes time for my brain to wind down from the get-up-and-go from each day.

i keep saying that time will make grad school easier but i'm beginning to doubt that. it's too much, too soon. i have no idea what it is to be a student anymore. i was so glad to have made it through undergrad without running away and screaming. how could i have possibly thought that i could do grad school? and do one of the hardest majors at my college?

all this, coming from me. i've been told countless times in my life that i am/was smart. i know that i am an intelligent person (no conceit) but maybe i'm just not cut out for the world of classrooms/books/papers/reports/projects anymore. i did struggle in undergrad, but i believe that it was because i got lazy. there were too many things i could focus on outside of the classrooms. now, the laziness has wormed it's way into the very fabric of my soul. it's a hard habit to break. just like my smoking (and, yes i am still working on that).

i need a good night's rest to be able to tackle my homework for next week. i might need a pep talk or two to go along with that. anyone?