just as i finished the previous post, i told myself that i would go to bed in a few minutes because even though i do not have to go to work tomorrow, i do have to be awake to let the contractors in around 9:00am, stay with them and then head out in the late afternoon for class.
it is now 3:17am and i am still awake. i have no recall on how i've spent the past 6 hours. just looked back at my browsing history and i've spent a lot of money. A LOT OF MONEY! i guess i intention was to get on Amazon to buy the textbooks i needed for this semester. but i didn't need to buy the video camera, media card, novels/pleasure boks, and makeup. i REALLY DIDN'T NEED THEM. i'm also not tired. at all. my brain is firing on all cylinders and my arms and legs feel restless. it's like i'm that little kid on the playground that cannot play in one section and is all over the place, making it difficult for the caregiver to keep up with them. i should be exhausted, but i'm not. my heart is racing and i feel like my body is overheating. my girlfriend at work did call me "overly chatty" today but we both assumed it was because i haven't seen them in 2 weeks and there was a lot for us to catch up on. now the last 24 hours or so make sense. i was very productive in that i helped organize the office for the new semester and i set up all my coursework for my 3 classes to last me through the first month.
this is what a minor manic state is for me. sometimes i'm so frantic that i cannot focus at all, even for a few minutes, to get anything done. other times, i could probably sit down and write a complete novel without moving at least once. i forget to eat and lose track of time. i organize my stuff, even when it's already organized. i have moved things from where they are and shuffle them around over the course of a few days and usually end up putting them back where they were in the first place. i get very forgetful and lose things a lot. like my cell phone, keys, purse, shoes... i'm a social butterfly, when my "normal" state is reserved and watchful. my body temperature rises and my heart starts to race, constantly. too bad there isn't a medication that is formulated to slow down or stop the development of a manic state like there is for panic/anxiety attacks (Xanax). cuz i would probably have a standing order at the pharmacy. even with daily medications, i still cannot escape these little blips.
this is just a description of what things are usually like. it makes things easier for people to understand what people with this disorder go through if it is explained out and not glossed over. at least i think it does...
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